Beer & Wine Store

I went into a Beer & Wine store today. ( UK & US friends, here in Canada, you can't buy alcohol in a supermarket or grocery store, there are designated stores with licences for that).

I did it without thinking. I purchased a six pack of beer for the guys who are working on a boat which is sat in my driveway (hopefully, for not much longer).

I paid for the beer and left.

It wasn't until I was out of the store and driving home, that I realised I hadn't even checked out the wine section. I just got what I wanted, paid for it and left. Like a "normal" person on a "normal" shopping errand.

Buying wine used to be a stressful experience. Driving home I would negotiate with myself -

"You don't need wine, you had wine last night"
"But today was stressful"
"Just have a cup of tea tonight"
"But we're having halibut, it's so much nicer with white wine"
"If you don't have wine tonight, you can have wine tomorrow"
"But I want it now!"

And so on.

Then I would get self conscious about the store I was buying from. I always tried not to buy wine from  the same store two days in a row because I imagined that the check-out people were judging me.

So I would change my route home accordingly.

Then, once inside the store, I would have another dilemma - one bottle or two?

If I bought just one, then I might have to share. So I usually bought two.

Towards the end of my slide, it was easy to buy two, because I switched to white wine. My husband doesn't drink white wine, so I would buy red for him. And then it was win-win, because I could drink the whole bottle of white, and then finish the red because there was no way my husband would ever drink the whole bottle.

Sometime I would make a feeble attempt at conversation with the check-out person-
 "This is a new one - is it popular?"

As if I was some kind of wine journalist doing research.

The whole experience used to make me feel anxious and guilty.

Then I would do the daily dance with my husband....

Husband :"You bought wine?"
Me "Yes, it's been a long day" - defensively, waiting for a negative comment......

I didn't notice until today, this one more piece of stress that has been eliminated from my life.

I guess it's like banging your head against a wall - it's nice when it stops!

Day 17 - Alone at last...

Day 17, and I am alone in the house until Friday morning. My husband is on a fishing trip. He lives for fishing (ex commercial fisherman) and I love the fresh seafood, so I never complain when he disappears for a few days, and then returns with lovely halibut or salmon.
And not mention, the "alone time" that I also enjoyed as an excuse to drink more wine...
"Well, I deserve a treat too, maybe a book this afternoon with a lovely glass of chilled white wine..." except it was never one glass, more like two bottles (because I started around 2pm in the afternoon), and more often or not, I would wake up about midnight, still on the couch, no dinner, no recollection of the last few hours, missed calls from my husband, feeling like crap.
So this time will be my first "sober alone time".
So I am prepared.
I have a list of stuff I want to accomplish - cleaning out closets, working in the garden, catching up on admin for our businesses....and I have planned healthy meals (need to shop for them), and I have a couple of bottles of non alcoholic wine (I tried beer, I don't like it...the wine is ok with a couple of ice cubes, and topped up with soda water).
So I am prepared.
For the first time, I realize how much of a hermit I have become.