Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.
Don Draper.....Mad Men.
Visualize yourself with friends on a sunny summer afternoon. Three of you enjoy a chilled glass of bubbly....you've got so much to chat about, your families, your careers, and you re-live all those memories from when you were are college together...you order another bottle...lets celebrate our friendship!
It's Christmas Day. All your family is around you! the kids have opened their presents, Hubby is carving the turkey, you all raise a glass of wine...Merry Christmas!
Ahhh, it's so beautiful, the sun sets over the vineyard, you bask in the warm Californian evening...a second honeymoon. You chink glasses, and drink to your love......So Romantic!
Nostalgia is a beautiful thing........like a benevolent "Ghost of Christmas Past"........How about a touch of "Harsh Reality?"
After your third class of bubbly your lips are loosened somewhat, and you reveal to one friend, that her best friend slept with her boyfriend at college. Unfortunately, her best friend happens to be the third friend sitting at the table...an argument ensues, you gulp down another glass, and break the heel of your shoe as you hurriedly depart.......
Christmas Day. You are hungover from the night before, the kids were fighting because they had to wait for you to get up before they could open presents, the turkey is overdone, and you're hammered and passed out before the Queen's speech. Hubby has to clear up the kitchen and is pissed off....Merry Christmas...
You drink a glass or three too many at the Winery, so any continuation of your romantic evening is out of the question....or was it? You can't even remember getting to bed......
Nostalgia. Big fat Liar........
Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that’s how nostalgia works, right? We only remember the best of the available memories.”
― Jarod Kintz,
Sunday, 15 November 2015
Thursday, 12 November 2015
My Satanic Sacrificial Ring....
Yay! Finally a New Hobby!
Just kidding, I haven't suddenly acquired an interest in Devil Worship. At ALL (seriously, it was a joke, if my blog has just appeared in some FBI social media monitoring thingy, I really am joking, just read on....please)
Actually, I am referring to my new Gazebo, which is currently a work in progress. (Sideways Rain has stopped construction - for an explanation of "Rain Categories" that we experience in the Pacific North West (PN Dub) see lovely Suburban Betty's Blog Here)
You may recall that this summer, we sat around a pretend camp fire, because of the drought, and there was lots of drunken drama, which didn't involve me at all.
So, I casually mentioned to my husband that it would be cool to sit around a camp fire in the dark, but wasn't it a shame about the weather, blah blah and before I knew it, he was busy sketching out plans for a gazebo with a "chimney" so we could sit out around a camp fire in all weathers...
Because my husband seems to know everyone on the Island, and 'trades' his custom smoked fish with them, the actual construction cost is minimal. Which is nice.
A thought occurred to me as I looked at my Satanic Ring ( so named because it's 6ft to the middle from each post, posts are 6ft apart, and the beams will be 6ft also...so 666...).....
When I picture myself sitting around the camp fire, under my Gazebo which will have sparkly lights all over it, maybe in the snow, I see myself holding a steaming mug of Hot Chocolate.....I no longer picture myself with a wine glass in my hand....
I think I may have turned a corner.
Here is a picture of my Gazebo footings if there are any G Men still concerned. We certainly won't be sacrificing the Virgin Connie Swales.......just the facts boys....just the facts....
Just kidding, I haven't suddenly acquired an interest in Devil Worship. At ALL (seriously, it was a joke, if my blog has just appeared in some FBI social media monitoring thingy, I really am joking, just read on....please)
Actually, I am referring to my new Gazebo, which is currently a work in progress. (Sideways Rain has stopped construction - for an explanation of "Rain Categories" that we experience in the Pacific North West (PN Dub) see lovely Suburban Betty's Blog Here)
You may recall that this summer, we sat around a pretend camp fire, because of the drought, and there was lots of drunken drama, which didn't involve me at all.
So, I casually mentioned to my husband that it would be cool to sit around a camp fire in the dark, but wasn't it a shame about the weather, blah blah and before I knew it, he was busy sketching out plans for a gazebo with a "chimney" so we could sit out around a camp fire in all weathers...
Because my husband seems to know everyone on the Island, and 'trades' his custom smoked fish with them, the actual construction cost is minimal. Which is nice.
A thought occurred to me as I looked at my Satanic Ring ( so named because it's 6ft to the middle from each post, posts are 6ft apart, and the beams will be 6ft also...so 666...).....
When I picture myself sitting around the camp fire, under my Gazebo which will have sparkly lights all over it, maybe in the snow, I see myself holding a steaming mug of Hot Chocolate.....I no longer picture myself with a wine glass in my hand....
I think I may have turned a corner.
Here is a picture of my Gazebo footings if there are any G Men still concerned. We certainly won't be sacrificing the Virgin Connie Swales.......just the facts boys....just the facts....
Monday, 9 November 2015
Six Months! Who'd have thunk it?
Not me.
On the 9th May 2015, I had been barely able to string 6 consecutive alcohol- free days together. Six months wasn't just inconceivable, it was completely out of my realm of thinking.
If you read many of the other blogs written by brave, witty inspiring people, all of them will tell you about the many benefits to health, joyous changes to their relationships, the ability to deal with daily problems that, when drinking, seemed insurmountable. The Sober Life.
Some ladies have dealt and are dealing with adversity - serious illness, divorce, bereavement, and they've shared it with us. Some of you, who choose not to blog or comment are facing these issues too, I'm sure, and we're all here for you.
I've read blogs, some desperate, about trying and trying again, not understanding why they cannot seem to escape that iron grip on their life....and we've all been there too. We know. Hang in there.
Every one of us deserves a cheer. A hug. A virtual "high five!"
Today I am not only six months without a drink, this is also my 100th blog post. And when I was thinking about what to write - it would be nice to impart some wisdom, right? - it occurred to me that the biggest change in my life was staring me right in the face.
Up until now, I have wandered through life, in and out of jobs, in and out of relationships, even in and out of continents, without any real purpose..
The only consistency I've really had in my life, was giving up when it all got a bit mundane, or a bit hard. And when it did, then I cast myself as the victim.....it was never about me, it was always the other person, it was always the manager, or my partner, or or or.....
In fact writing 100 blogs may not seem like a huge achievement to anyone, but for me, it's BIG.
And I have no intention of stopping. I may write in a different genre, I may set up a website, there are a hundred possibilities popping into my head, but for the first time ever....I'm sticking with it.
I'm sticking with you guys. My new crowd. My tribe.
For me, getting sober started out because I feared for my health, I was overweight, I felt shitty the whole time, I was losing friendships, I was screwing up my marriage.....and you could be making the decision to change all those thing in your life too, and those are great reasons....and you can do it!
But somewhere along your sober journey, you'll get an "aha" moment, and you'll realize, like me, that it's so much more than you ever dreamed possible..and it was there in front of you the whole time.
I have no idea what will happen in the next six months. But I know it will be good. I'll be open for new ideas, new opportunities and new directions.
I'm looking forward to it. Why don't you join me?
Love, WB xx.
On the 9th May 2015, I had been barely able to string 6 consecutive alcohol- free days together. Six months wasn't just inconceivable, it was completely out of my realm of thinking.
If you read many of the other blogs written by brave, witty inspiring people, all of them will tell you about the many benefits to health, joyous changes to their relationships, the ability to deal with daily problems that, when drinking, seemed insurmountable. The Sober Life.
Some ladies have dealt and are dealing with adversity - serious illness, divorce, bereavement, and they've shared it with us. Some of you, who choose not to blog or comment are facing these issues too, I'm sure, and we're all here for you.
I've read blogs, some desperate, about trying and trying again, not understanding why they cannot seem to escape that iron grip on their life....and we've all been there too. We know. Hang in there.
Every one of us deserves a cheer. A hug. A virtual "high five!"
Today I am not only six months without a drink, this is also my 100th blog post. And when I was thinking about what to write - it would be nice to impart some wisdom, right? - it occurred to me that the biggest change in my life was staring me right in the face.
Up until now, I have wandered through life, in and out of jobs, in and out of relationships, even in and out of continents, without any real purpose..
The only consistency I've really had in my life, was giving up when it all got a bit mundane, or a bit hard. And when it did, then I cast myself as the victim.....it was never about me, it was always the other person, it was always the manager, or my partner, or or or.....
In fact writing 100 blogs may not seem like a huge achievement to anyone, but for me, it's BIG.
And I have no intention of stopping. I may write in a different genre, I may set up a website, there are a hundred possibilities popping into my head, but for the first time ever....I'm sticking with it.
I'm sticking with you guys. My new crowd. My tribe.
For me, getting sober started out because I feared for my health, I was overweight, I felt shitty the whole time, I was losing friendships, I was screwing up my marriage.....and you could be making the decision to change all those thing in your life too, and those are great reasons....and you can do it!
But somewhere along your sober journey, you'll get an "aha" moment, and you'll realize, like me, that it's so much more than you ever dreamed possible..and it was there in front of you the whole time.
I have no idea what will happen in the next six months. But I know it will be good. I'll be open for new ideas, new opportunities and new directions.
I'm looking forward to it. Why don't you join me?
Love, WB xx.
Sunday, 8 November 2015
Rain Stops Play....
Not really. If we put everything on hold until it stops raining, here on Vancouver Island, very little would be achieved.
I still intend to head out for a walk (new habit in the making) and then feel suitably deserving of cake. Or hot chocolate. Or a couple of hours with a book. Or all of the above.
I haven't really figured out what to do with the rest of my life, so I'm hoping inspiration will strike during my damp walk. (Now that someone has beaten me to designing fashionable PJ's for the Lady Executive).
I not worried. I'm open for opportunity.
Love,
WB xx
I still intend to head out for a walk (new habit in the making) and then feel suitably deserving of cake. Or hot chocolate. Or a couple of hours with a book. Or all of the above.
I haven't really figured out what to do with the rest of my life, so I'm hoping inspiration will strike during my damp walk. (Now that someone has beaten me to designing fashionable PJ's for the Lady Executive).
I not worried. I'm open for opportunity.
Love,
WB xx
Thursday, 5 November 2015
Sometimes You just have to Kill the Baby.....
Or at least rearrange it's features.
Not a literal baby obviously.....just going through some changes, business wise.
Some things that I thought would work, haven't. And I discovered that I don't like doing some stuff, so I shall stop.
It's the joy and despair of being self employed.
I have nurtured this particular offspring, But it's not developing in quite the way I planned, and quite frankly, I'm not really feeling a mother's love anymore, so time for some drastic alterations.
When I was drinking.....and basically being "self -employed" was indistinguishable from "unemployed"....if anything didn't go as planned, it was just another handy excuse to say
"Fuck it, I'll have a drink"
And then, the following morning, I would trawl through the local job listings...which would inevitably lead to the following realisations:
1. I am Old.
2. I have very few marketable skills
3. I do not take direction
4. No jobs allow you to wear PJs.
I am, in fact, unemployable. So another handy excuse to say
"Fuck it, I'll have a drink"
These days, being unemployable is both liberating and challenging.
I have freedom and possibilities.
But I also have to pay the bills.
So instead of saying.....
"Fuck it, I'll have a drink"
I just toss the baby out with the bath water and get another baby. A better, prettier baby. That makes money.
WB xx
Not a literal baby obviously.....just going through some changes, business wise.
Some things that I thought would work, haven't. And I discovered that I don't like doing some stuff, so I shall stop.
It's the joy and despair of being self employed.
I have nurtured this particular offspring, But it's not developing in quite the way I planned, and quite frankly, I'm not really feeling a mother's love anymore, so time for some drastic alterations.
When I was drinking.....and basically being "self -employed" was indistinguishable from "unemployed"....if anything didn't go as planned, it was just another handy excuse to say
"Fuck it, I'll have a drink"
And then, the following morning, I would trawl through the local job listings...which would inevitably lead to the following realisations:
1. I am Old.
2. I have very few marketable skills
3. I do not take direction
4. No jobs allow you to wear PJs.
I am, in fact, unemployable. So another handy excuse to say
"Fuck it, I'll have a drink"
These days, being unemployable is both liberating and challenging.
I have freedom and possibilities.
But I also have to pay the bills.
So instead of saying.....
"Fuck it, I'll have a drink"
I just toss the baby out with the bath water and get another baby. A better, prettier baby. That makes money.
WB xx
Wednesday, 4 November 2015
The Best Ideas were at the Bottom of the Bottle.......
........but unfortunately, I could never remember them......
It's another fallacy that we cling on to to rationalize our drinking.....it makes us more creative!
A kind of "Boozey Muse"
Ernest Hemingway, a famous Drunk and Author. Or a famous Author and a Drunk (depends on your perspective) is quoted often as saying " Write Drunk and Edit Sober"
He never actually said this, and according to his daughter, NEVER wrote while he was drunk. Apparently, he rose early, wrote in a very disciplined fashion for hours every morning, and then headed off to get shitfaced in the afternoon.
Being creative (as anyone who creates will tell you) requires dedication and perseverance. In fact the old adage "10% inspiration and 90% perspiration" does actually apply.
Of course, if you drink lots (like I used to) and always wanted to be creative (like I do), then the tendency is to cling on to the "Tortured Addict Artist" stereotype, as it serves you well.
And if you don't identify with Ernest Hemingway, there's a whole bunch to chose from... Hunter S Thompson, Dorothy Parker, Raymond Chandler, Dylan Thomas, Truman Capote.... the list of revered drunkard writers is seemingly endless......who must have created their best work under the influence....surely?
It's as ridiculous as saying "I drive much better after I've had a few......"
When I drank lots of wine, I truly believed (regularly) that I stumbled on the plot of a bestseller, invented ingenious products, and had grandiose business schemes........all fading away - if I even remembered them - in the wake of next morning's hangover.
This is my 97th blog posting. Approximately 50,000 words, the length of a short novel. I've also written about 40 business blogs, and several E-books for my business, nothing to set the literary world on fire - not even a spark - but a approximately 50,000 words, 40 business blogs and several E-books MORE than I ever wrote when I was drinking.
And those fabulous ideas? The ones at the bottom of the bottle?
I remember some with embarrassment, especially if they were accompanied by drunk declarations by text or on social media......all faintly ridiculous...
I don't wait around for inspiration to strike, I just write - even when I don't feel like it. I didn't feel much like typing away tonight, but something compelled me to sit down, and this blog came together as I started to type. It was inspired by the Hemingway quote (above) that I saw on Facebook this morning, and it just stayed with me, until I started to write....
The Boozy Muse was no more than the Wine Witch in disguise.
It's another fallacy that we cling on to to rationalize our drinking.....it makes us more creative!
A kind of "Boozey Muse"
Ernest Hemingway, a famous Drunk and Author. Or a famous Author and a Drunk (depends on your perspective) is quoted often as saying " Write Drunk and Edit Sober"
He never actually said this, and according to his daughter, NEVER wrote while he was drunk. Apparently, he rose early, wrote in a very disciplined fashion for hours every morning, and then headed off to get shitfaced in the afternoon.
Being creative (as anyone who creates will tell you) requires dedication and perseverance. In fact the old adage "10% inspiration and 90% perspiration" does actually apply.
Of course, if you drink lots (like I used to) and always wanted to be creative (like I do), then the tendency is to cling on to the "Tortured Addict Artist" stereotype, as it serves you well.
And if you don't identify with Ernest Hemingway, there's a whole bunch to chose from... Hunter S Thompson, Dorothy Parker, Raymond Chandler, Dylan Thomas, Truman Capote.... the list of revered drunkard writers is seemingly endless......who must have created their best work under the influence....surely?
It's as ridiculous as saying "I drive much better after I've had a few......"
When I drank lots of wine, I truly believed (regularly) that I stumbled on the plot of a bestseller, invented ingenious products, and had grandiose business schemes........all fading away - if I even remembered them - in the wake of next morning's hangover.
This is my 97th blog posting. Approximately 50,000 words, the length of a short novel. I've also written about 40 business blogs, and several E-books for my business, nothing to set the literary world on fire - not even a spark - but a approximately 50,000 words, 40 business blogs and several E-books MORE than I ever wrote when I was drinking.
And those fabulous ideas? The ones at the bottom of the bottle?
I remember some with embarrassment, especially if they were accompanied by drunk declarations by text or on social media......all faintly ridiculous...
I don't wait around for inspiration to strike, I just write - even when I don't feel like it. I didn't feel much like typing away tonight, but something compelled me to sit down, and this blog came together as I started to type. It was inspired by the Hemingway quote (above) that I saw on Facebook this morning, and it just stayed with me, until I started to write....
The Boozy Muse was no more than the Wine Witch in disguise.
Sunday, 1 November 2015
And then we were hit by a Giant Pumpkin Asteroid.....
Or my Alternative Title for this post....."Life isn't a facebook meme....."
I am feeling quite restless. According to the Shamanic Monthly e-mail I get on the 1st of every month, which is supposed to guide me spiritually for the next 30 or so days ($19.99 gets you the accompanying daily audio), RESTLESS is the Theme for November.
Hence, I was not too worried about feeling restless....until I saw the news on the 31st October, (which no one else seems to have seen) when I learned that a giant asteroid (shaped seasonally like a pumpkin) was hurtling towards Earth, and would (hopefully) miss us by a narrow margin.
"Hmmm.." I thought..."That sucks..."
And second thought...
"What's the point of me being sober then? If I am to die like the dinosaurs? And why was this not mentioned in my Shamanic Monthly Newsletter? Would I have been notified if I had signed up for the audio?
I am restless because now that I am Sober.....I feel that I should be DOING something with my life....
I have been the classic underachiever for most of my life.
Could have gone to University and become a lawyer .....didn't ( as my mother reminds me at every fucking opportunity)
Could have stayed at my soul- less mind numbing job at the bank and reached the dizzy heights of "Manager" ......didn't (would DEFINITELY have died of alcoholism if I had done that)
Could have been a famous ballerina....didn't (failed my first dance exam when I was five)......and so on....
Until here I am, nearly 48 years old, and the two big accomplishments of my life (so far), are finding my lovely husband (having the good sense to marry him) and quitting booze.
I read so often about people who had a life changing experience...maybe a brush with death, maybe the loss of a loved one, and then they completely turned their life around and climbed Everest, or became President or something...
How many times have you seen a horrible tragedy on the news and thought to yourself....
"life is so short......I should do something with mine...."
And then the headlines go on to something else, and that fleeting thought was just that.....fleeting.
My facebook timeline is filled with "Inspirational Memes"......quotes on pretty backgrounds, intended to lift you up, and inspire you to great things...
"Life isn't a dress rehearsal!"
"Be All that you can be!"
"Live your Passion"
And most of us scroll by, or maybe "share' them, as if this tiny action, this sharing of the inspirational message is all you have to do....
A smart lady who runs the business group I'm in....posted in exasperation a few weeks ago, something like this..
"I glad you're all inspired, but inspiration is nothing without action...."
I probably "liked" the post and moved on, forgetting it until now, now that my Fate is completely dependent on the hurtling asteroid....
I guess what I am really trying to say, is that now I have finally climbed out of my wine soaked pit, I would like my Sober Life to actually mean something. So here is what I have resolved...
I will take Action.
My life will not be a Meme.
I will Accomplish Things.
I will Unsubscribe from Shamanic Monthly.
(providing, of course that we don't get struck by the hurtling pumpkin asteroid).
I am feeling quite restless. According to the Shamanic Monthly e-mail I get on the 1st of every month, which is supposed to guide me spiritually for the next 30 or so days ($19.99 gets you the accompanying daily audio), RESTLESS is the Theme for November.
Hence, I was not too worried about feeling restless....until I saw the news on the 31st October, (which no one else seems to have seen) when I learned that a giant asteroid (shaped seasonally like a pumpkin) was hurtling towards Earth, and would (hopefully) miss us by a narrow margin.
"Hmmm.." I thought..."That sucks..."
And second thought...
"What's the point of me being sober then? If I am to die like the dinosaurs? And why was this not mentioned in my Shamanic Monthly Newsletter? Would I have been notified if I had signed up for the audio?
I am restless because now that I am Sober.....I feel that I should be DOING something with my life....
I have been the classic underachiever for most of my life.
Could have gone to University and become a lawyer .....didn't ( as my mother reminds me at every fucking opportunity)
Could have stayed at my soul- less mind numbing job at the bank and reached the dizzy heights of "Manager" ......didn't (would DEFINITELY have died of alcoholism if I had done that)
Could have been a famous ballerina....didn't (failed my first dance exam when I was five)......and so on....
Until here I am, nearly 48 years old, and the two big accomplishments of my life (so far), are finding my lovely husband (having the good sense to marry him) and quitting booze.
I read so often about people who had a life changing experience...maybe a brush with death, maybe the loss of a loved one, and then they completely turned their life around and climbed Everest, or became President or something...
How many times have you seen a horrible tragedy on the news and thought to yourself....
"life is so short......I should do something with mine...."
And then the headlines go on to something else, and that fleeting thought was just that.....fleeting.
My facebook timeline is filled with "Inspirational Memes"......quotes on pretty backgrounds, intended to lift you up, and inspire you to great things...
"Life isn't a dress rehearsal!"
"Be All that you can be!"
"Live your Passion"
And most of us scroll by, or maybe "share' them, as if this tiny action, this sharing of the inspirational message is all you have to do....
A smart lady who runs the business group I'm in....posted in exasperation a few weeks ago, something like this..
"I glad you're all inspired, but inspiration is nothing without action...."
I probably "liked" the post and moved on, forgetting it until now, now that my Fate is completely dependent on the hurtling asteroid....
I guess what I am really trying to say, is that now I have finally climbed out of my wine soaked pit, I would like my Sober Life to actually mean something. So here is what I have resolved...
I will take Action.
My life will not be a Meme.
I will Accomplish Things.
I will Unsubscribe from Shamanic Monthly.
(providing, of course that we don't get struck by the hurtling pumpkin asteroid).
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