Getting Sober Part 5 - The Monkey House

Putting down the bottle was just the start...

Getting Sober Part 5 - The Monkey House

WB xx

I Used to Love Nostalgia....Back in the Old Days....

Nostalgia - it's delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, "nostalgia" literally means "the pain from an old wound." It's a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards... it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels - around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.
Don Draper.....Mad Men.

Visualize yourself with friends on a sunny summer afternoon. Three of you enjoy a chilled glass of bubbly....you've got so much to chat about, your families, your careers, and you re-live all those memories from when you were are college together...you order another bottle...lets celebrate our friendship!

It's Christmas Day. All your family is around you! the kids have opened their presents, Hubby is carving the turkey, you all raise a glass of wine...Merry Christmas!

Ahhh, it's so beautiful, the sun sets over the vineyard, you bask in the warm Californian evening...a second honeymoon. You chink glasses, and drink to your love......So Romantic!

Nostalgia is a beautiful thing........like a benevolent "Ghost of Christmas Past"........How about a touch of "Harsh Reality?"

After your third class of bubbly your lips are loosened somewhat, and you reveal to one friend, that her best friend slept with her boyfriend at college. Unfortunately, her best friend happens to be the third friend sitting at the table...an argument ensues, you gulp down another glass, and break the heel of your shoe as you hurriedly depart.......

Christmas Day. You are hungover from the night before, the kids were fighting because they had to wait for you to get up before they could open presents, the turkey is overdone, and you're hammered and passed out before the Queen's speech. Hubby has to clear up the kitchen and is pissed off....Merry Christmas... 

You drink a glass or three too many at the Winery, so any continuation of your romantic evening is out of the question....or was it? You can't even remember getting to bed......

Nostalgia. Big fat Liar........

 Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that’s how nostalgia works, right? We only remember the best of the available memories.” 
― Jarod Kintz, 

Kick the Sh*t out of Bullsh*t.

These are my Top Bullshit Reasons for Not Quitting Booze....they may be your reasons too.

• I'm still Quite Thin.

Despite the gazillion calories in wine, I managed to stay thin for a number of years. This was because I lived on my own and didn't eat. I was also in a very toxic relationship, so I was continually stressed. Therefore, I was thin and I equated that with being healthy. Total Bullshit.
 I ignored that fact that I was 'puffy", my skin was blotchy (as that much ignored vital organ tried desperately to flush poison out of my body), I had dark rings round my eyes because I tended to pass out rather than sleep, I suspect that my breath and my body smelled of stale wine most of the time, I ignored all but the essential daily grooming.
But hey, I was still thin.......
 

• All My Friends Drink More than Me.

Well, for me that may or may not be true. I certainly spent a great deal of time at social gathering trying to assess how much each person was drinking, and whether I was drinking more or less than them. That's not weird at all, right?
Putting aside my obsession with other people's habits, the fact remained that I was drinking too much for me.
If I needed proof of this, all I had to do was wait until the next morning, and then try to piece together conversations that I'd had the night before...conversations that everyone else remembered.
But, at least I didn't drink as much as them.... 

• My Husband/Wife/Significant Other Drinks. 

 Yes, so does mine. A lot less, now that I'm not arriving home every night with two bottles of wine - red for him, white for me (he would have two glasses at the most, so I got to finish his bottle too). He now has a couple of glasses of whisky at the weekends.
He was relieved when I stopped. I imagined that he would be disappointed not to have a drinking partner. But as he said..." I don't want a drinking partner, I want my wife".
If your partner doesn't react in a similarly positive way......get another partner. I'm serious.

• I won't get Invited Anywhere Because I'm Not Fun.

You won't get invited to boozy evenings where you get to stand around with a bunch of drunk people. Drunk people are BORING. When you are drinking, you are boring too. As was I.
Be thankful, do something else (we do lots now, for instance, this weekend, we visited the local museum that I have never set foot in before, we went for a hike and we went to the movies to see 'Bridge of Spies, which was excellent, but be my guest, go and party, get drunk and spend the day on the couch...ooh that sounds fun...)

• I will lose all my Friends.

Good. Get new ones. If you are a "friend" because you drink, then, my friend ..you are not a 'friend", you are a "drinking buddy".
I shed several toxic relationships. Feels good. Doors are slammed shut on those people.

• I Don't know how to Cope if I don't drink......

 Aaahhhh. The REAL reasons.

I can help with this one. The real fact is that you learn to cope for the first time ever. Because you are not numbing your brain with booze, you deal with stuff. And when you deal with stuff, it goes away, and you don't have to worry about it, ergo......you don't need to "cope" with it.
It's a beautiful circle. You deal with the small stuff, you get more confident, and when the Big Stuff happens...guess what? You can cope.....

Sheryl Sandberg is one of my heroes. Not only is she the youngest business woman to ever become a billionaire (COO of Facebook), a writer, a champion of women's issues and rights all over the world....she recently lost her husband in a tragic accident. And this is what she said (paraphrasing).

"Living my life with David was my Option A. I didn't want an Option B. But that's what I got. So now I'm kicking the shit out of Option B, in his honour"

Option A for lots of us would be the ability to occasionally have a glass of wine, a cold beer. But we've been given Option B. Let's kick the shit out of it.


 
 






 
 
 

Shine on Harvest Moon...

I've been busy in the last week. And the work is paying off. My husband has sold one of his oil retrieval machines and I am getting sign ups for my online business - yay! For the first time in some while the cash coming in is exceeding the cash going out!

Shows what can happen when you focus, right?

I saw on my facebook feed the other day. a post that read...

"Spend twenty minutes in Nature everyday. And if you're busy, spend an hour"

So when I got a text this evening to go out and have supper with friends at the campsite, overlooking the ocean, I didn't hesitate.

It was just the three of us (my husband is still away), and we got pretty excited waiting for the Super Moon to appear, followed by the eclipse.

We weren't disappointed.

The moon rose, in all it's fiery glory, and then gradually, a shadow started to fall over it. I can still see it now, as I type.

There is something quite magnificent and powerful, watching the majesty of the Universe.

It puts everything in perspective.

I felt grateful. To be with friends around a campfire, enjoying the breathtaking beauty of the ocean, and witnessing a shift in the galaxy.

I felt grateful to be alive, to be healthy, to have purpose, and to be sober.

Have a great week everyone,

WB xx.

Day 23 Life Without Drama

I've noticed that there is a lot less "drama" in my life at the moment. By "drama" I mean those day to day little incidents that get blown out of proportion, gossiped about, stressed about, and involve hours of "putting the world to rights" or boozy tantrums. And that was just me.
Is there any less stress in my life? Absolutely not. We are still struggling with our businesses, we still have people in our lives that are unsupportive, there are still family situations that need to be resolved.
The difference is that I am dealing with the stuff that I can resolve, and avoiding the stuff that it not mine to resolve. I am not giving my drunken opinion, I am not phoning random people to complain, in short....I have stopped being a "total pain in the rear end Drama Queen".
A few years ago, after a difficult relationship break - up, and the start of another tumultuous relationship that turned decidedly toxic (all which coincided with the start of really heavy wine drinking), I met a lady who latched on to me like a barnacle.
She was married (albeit unhappily), and a set of family circumstances that sounded to me like a particularly bad episode of 'Dallas". Every day would bring a new 'crisis".
We became drinking buddies.
It was the first time I had a glimpse into my future.
Every day the phone would ring in the morning..."Could you take my daughter to school? I don't feel well"...."Come over for lunch"......."I'm coming over, I have wine...."....." I've had a terrible day (sob)...just come and bring wine..."
I couldn't get rid of her.
Finally, circumstances changed, I moved out of the area, my phone number changed....and although I felt badly at the time, we just lost touch, and I have never made the effort to rekindle that "friendship".
Today, as I look back, I suspect that I was the self absorbed, selfish barnacle that people were hoping to scrape off.
Looking forward, I hope to be a better friend.