I love lists. I love crossing stuff off. Especially my "Do NOT Do" list..its great for my sobriety.
The "Do NOT Do" List
WB xx
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label drama. Show all posts
Saturday, 18 March 2017
Monday, 27 June 2016
Monday, 23 May 2016
Friday, 26 February 2016
Friday, 7 August 2015
Day 90 - Not My Circus....Not My Monkeys....
Yay! Day 90!
One huge benefit to this sober thing, is the ability to deal with the daily "drama" that life throws at you without 1. Overreacting to it and 2. Contributing to it
Today is not only day 90 of sobriety for me, but also Day 11 of BF#2's visit.
My patience is wearing thin, and although I have not even thought about running for wine, I have been locking myself away in my office, with a note on the door that says
"Working. Do not disturb unless you have coffee".
Inside the office, you can hear me chanting..
"Not my circus, not my monkeys, not my circus, not my monkeys"
Here's a small excerpt of the daily drama....
Dramatic Scene 1. WB, Mr.WB, BF#1, Mrs BF#1 and BF#2 sit around pretend camp fire.
BF#1, obnoxiously drunk, refers to Mrs BF#1 by his ex-wife's name. An awkward silence, as Mrs BF#1 exits the scene stage left, muttering "I've had enough of this F**king bullshit"
BF#1 follows, raised argumentative voices....fading out...
WB exits stage right, goes to bed to read book (about Mrs Thatcher, actually it's quite good)
Dramatic Scene 2.
Dusk.WB, Mr WB & BF#2 arrive home from pub (WB driving the truck, as Mr.WB begins to appreciate the benefits of her sobriety)
Arrive in the driveway to hear raised voices (more like screams) from next door, as very drunk BF#1 and Mrs. BF#1 duke it out on their deck.
WB exits stage right, goes to bed to read book. (I didn't know that Mrs Thatcher had a sister! Muriel!)
Dramatic Scene 3.
WB in bed with Mrs Thatcher.
Loud knock on the front door. Crying and sobbing can be heard from Mrs BF#1 as it becomes apparent that BF#1 has gone on a drunken rampage in his truck!! WTF??
She wants one of us to drive around looking for him.
Sounds like a really bad idea!!
WB (realizing that she is the only one who is stone cold sober, and therefore the only candidate for the proposed rescue expedition, hurriedly turns off the light and shoves Mrs Thatcher under the covers)
Stay tuned for more dramatic, alcohol-fuelled scenes...
I am so thankful that I am no longer drinking. Apart from a few days of PAWS, I have managed to stay calm and keep my sense of humour.
Every so often though, if you listen carefully, you can hear me chant under my breath "not my circus, not my monkeys, not my circus, not my monkeys...."
Have a wonderful Friday,
WB xx
Monday, 13 July 2015
Day 65 - All Around us is Calm
Yesterday afternoon and evening we enjoyed a peaceful barbeque with friends at a nearby campsite.
We were joined by their son and daughter in law, and their two grandsons. It was a fun family gathering.
Of course wine was offered, but no one much cared who was drinking or not - it wasn't the point of the afternoon.
I reflected on how drama free my life has become. Particularly because one topic of conversation was the previous drama -filled camping trip our friends had endured.
This annual camping trip for our friends used to involve three or four couples on a peaceful retreat for a week or so on one of the Gulf Islands.
In recent years they have been joined by family members and grandchildren, so the event has grown into a family affair.
This year was no exception. One young mother joined them, with her two year old daughter and new boyfriend.
A few days into the camping trip, it became obvious that all was not well in this new relationship, and the quiet campsite was filled with sounds of screaming and arguing.
All came to a head one night, the arguments got increasingly violent, and the new boyfriend was ejected from the campsite.
All this of course was fueled by alcohol.
This morning I read Sober Mummy's great post about the lies that alcohol tells you (read it here), and this ruined camping trip highlights one of them......
alcohol is a great stress reliever
I used that one all the time. "I had a stressful day, so I stopped and got wine"
I did truly believe that wine would wash my stress away......
And yet, here I am, over two months without wine, all other aspects of my life has stayed the same, yet my life is so much less stressful....
Could it be that alcohol CAUSES the stress and drama?
Lets go back to our arguing couple in the campsite......
We're all intelligent people here. Alcohol can't have it both ways............
I'm with Sober Mummy on this one.
Have a great Monday.
xx.
We were joined by their son and daughter in law, and their two grandsons. It was a fun family gathering.
Of course wine was offered, but no one much cared who was drinking or not - it wasn't the point of the afternoon.
I reflected on how drama free my life has become. Particularly because one topic of conversation was the previous drama -filled camping trip our friends had endured.
This annual camping trip for our friends used to involve three or four couples on a peaceful retreat for a week or so on one of the Gulf Islands.
In recent years they have been joined by family members and grandchildren, so the event has grown into a family affair.
This year was no exception. One young mother joined them, with her two year old daughter and new boyfriend.
A few days into the camping trip, it became obvious that all was not well in this new relationship, and the quiet campsite was filled with sounds of screaming and arguing.
All came to a head one night, the arguments got increasingly violent, and the new boyfriend was ejected from the campsite.
All this of course was fueled by alcohol.
This morning I read Sober Mummy's great post about the lies that alcohol tells you (read it here), and this ruined camping trip highlights one of them......
alcohol is a great stress reliever
I used that one all the time. "I had a stressful day, so I stopped and got wine"
I did truly believe that wine would wash my stress away......
And yet, here I am, over two months without wine, all other aspects of my life has stayed the same, yet my life is so much less stressful....
Could it be that alcohol CAUSES the stress and drama?
Lets go back to our arguing couple in the campsite......
- They didn't scream at each other all day long - only in the evening after a quantity of alcohol had been consumed.
- Despite the supposed calming and stress-relieving qualities of alcohol, no one rushed over to give them a large bottle of wine to immediately consume, and therefore calm down the situation....
We're all intelligent people here. Alcohol can't have it both ways............
I'm with Sober Mummy on this one.
Have a great Monday.
xx.
Sunday, 28 June 2015
Day 50 It takes a Drunk to know a Drunk
There has only been one person in my life that has called me a drunk.
This was last year, many months before I put down my wine glass for good, but my first reaction was not of denial or outrage but "takes one to know one...."
The lady (I'll call her L) who shone a spotlight into my darkness, was (is) not a friend. We were thrown together by the enduring friendship of our husbands.
During our first meeting, we established a mutual loathing, and ironically, a mutual comradery.
The unspoken comradery existed because of our shared love of alcohol, and also because we provided each other with a useful metric for our drinking habit..
"God, at least I don't drink as much as L...... " , I have been known to utter (both internally and externally, to focus attention away from me)
I am sure that L used me in the same way.
My husband and his friend were seemingly oblivious to the tension between L and I, until we finally had an argument that culminated in angry words fueled by alcohol, and the ensuing name calling.
My husband and his friend put it down to 'girl drama" and ignored it, they took to meeting for lunch occasionally, and the boozy dinner foursomes stopped.
Being called a drunk was one of many incidents that would finally form the tipping point for me.
Looking back, I remember one afternoon when L and I were together waiting for our husbands to arrive back from fishing.
She had just arrived back from a trip to visit her family, and mentioned that one of her cousins had stopped drinking.
"I was looking forward to sharing a bottle of wine with her" said L "but it turns out she's an alcoholic, and doesn't touch it any more"
She went on to say...."You know what, I sometimes wonder if I am......"
It would have been so easy for me to say " You know what? Me too, maybe we should do something about it....". But I didn't.
It was convenient for me to have someone who was far worse than me....
I recalled this conversation when the other day my husband mentioned casually that he had met up with his friend for lunch.
"L had a bit of a meltdown" he said. " She got herself into a rage and drove her truck through the gates in the front yard"
'Luckily (friend) managed to stop her before she drove into town....she was very drunk"
A year ago I would have feigned alarm and sympathy, while internally ticking off another box on the list "Reasons Why L is a Worse Drunk than Me"
Now I just wish that I had responded when she was so obviously reaching out for help.
This was last year, many months before I put down my wine glass for good, but my first reaction was not of denial or outrage but "takes one to know one...."
The lady (I'll call her L) who shone a spotlight into my darkness, was (is) not a friend. We were thrown together by the enduring friendship of our husbands.
During our first meeting, we established a mutual loathing, and ironically, a mutual comradery.
The unspoken comradery existed because of our shared love of alcohol, and also because we provided each other with a useful metric for our drinking habit..
"God, at least I don't drink as much as L...... " , I have been known to utter (both internally and externally, to focus attention away from me)
I am sure that L used me in the same way.
My husband and his friend were seemingly oblivious to the tension between L and I, until we finally had an argument that culminated in angry words fueled by alcohol, and the ensuing name calling.
My husband and his friend put it down to 'girl drama" and ignored it, they took to meeting for lunch occasionally, and the boozy dinner foursomes stopped.
Being called a drunk was one of many incidents that would finally form the tipping point for me.
Looking back, I remember one afternoon when L and I were together waiting for our husbands to arrive back from fishing.
She had just arrived back from a trip to visit her family, and mentioned that one of her cousins had stopped drinking.
"I was looking forward to sharing a bottle of wine with her" said L "but it turns out she's an alcoholic, and doesn't touch it any more"
She went on to say...."You know what, I sometimes wonder if I am......"
It would have been so easy for me to say " You know what? Me too, maybe we should do something about it....". But I didn't.
It was convenient for me to have someone who was far worse than me....
I recalled this conversation when the other day my husband mentioned casually that he had met up with his friend for lunch.
"L had a bit of a meltdown" he said. " She got herself into a rage and drove her truck through the gates in the front yard"
'Luckily (friend) managed to stop her before she drove into town....she was very drunk"
A year ago I would have feigned alarm and sympathy, while internally ticking off another box on the list "Reasons Why L is a Worse Drunk than Me"
Now I just wish that I had responded when she was so obviously reaching out for help.
Monday, 1 June 2015
Day 23 Life Without Drama
I've noticed that there is a lot less "drama" in my life at the moment. By "drama" I mean those day to day little incidents that get blown out of proportion, gossiped about, stressed about, and involve hours of "putting the world to rights" or boozy tantrums. And that was just me.
Is there any less stress in my life? Absolutely not. We are still struggling with our businesses, we still have people in our lives that are unsupportive, there are still family situations that need to be resolved.
The difference is that I am dealing with the stuff that I can resolve, and avoiding the stuff that it not mine to resolve. I am not giving my drunken opinion, I am not phoning random people to complain, in short....I have stopped being a "total pain in the rear end Drama Queen".
A few years ago, after a difficult relationship break - up, and the start of another tumultuous relationship that turned decidedly toxic (all which coincided with the start of really heavy wine drinking), I met a lady who latched on to me like a barnacle.
She was married (albeit unhappily), and a set of family circumstances that sounded to me like a particularly bad episode of 'Dallas". Every day would bring a new 'crisis".
We became drinking buddies.
It was the first time I had a glimpse into my future.
Every day the phone would ring in the morning..."Could you take my daughter to school? I don't feel well"...."Come over for lunch"......."I'm coming over, I have wine...."....." I've had a terrible day (sob)...just come and bring wine..."
I couldn't get rid of her.
Finally, circumstances changed, I moved out of the area, my phone number changed....and although I felt badly at the time, we just lost touch, and I have never made the effort to rekindle that "friendship".
Today, as I look back, I suspect that I was the self absorbed, selfish barnacle that people were hoping to scrape off.
Looking forward, I hope to be a better friend.
Is there any less stress in my life? Absolutely not. We are still struggling with our businesses, we still have people in our lives that are unsupportive, there are still family situations that need to be resolved.
The difference is that I am dealing with the stuff that I can resolve, and avoiding the stuff that it not mine to resolve. I am not giving my drunken opinion, I am not phoning random people to complain, in short....I have stopped being a "total pain in the rear end Drama Queen".
A few years ago, after a difficult relationship break - up, and the start of another tumultuous relationship that turned decidedly toxic (all which coincided with the start of really heavy wine drinking), I met a lady who latched on to me like a barnacle.
She was married (albeit unhappily), and a set of family circumstances that sounded to me like a particularly bad episode of 'Dallas". Every day would bring a new 'crisis".
We became drinking buddies.
It was the first time I had a glimpse into my future.
Every day the phone would ring in the morning..."Could you take my daughter to school? I don't feel well"...."Come over for lunch"......."I'm coming over, I have wine...."....." I've had a terrible day (sob)...just come and bring wine..."
I couldn't get rid of her.
Finally, circumstances changed, I moved out of the area, my phone number changed....and although I felt badly at the time, we just lost touch, and I have never made the effort to rekindle that "friendship".
Today, as I look back, I suspect that I was the self absorbed, selfish barnacle that people were hoping to scrape off.
Looking forward, I hope to be a better friend.
Thursday, 21 May 2015
Day 12 - Feeling a bit Flat..
I woke up this morning feeling.......nothing. How weird. Over the last 10 days or so, I have been waking up feeling elated that I didn't drink the previous day...And regardless of how I have felt physically, emotionally and mentally I have been cheering and doing handstands (in my head).
This feeling wears off around 3.00pm, when I start twitching a little and clock watching for the magic hour of Five O'clock.
When Five O'clock comes, I have either taken myself into the garden to weed, or I have worked a little longer, and somehow the mental craving for wine lessens.
But this morning...flatness. Of course, I have only really experienced depression, shame, grumpiness, and self loathing in the morning, along with queasiness, sweatiness, and bloatedness (not sure if that's a word), for the last fifteen years, followed by the aforementioned elated and happy feelings over the last ten or so days, so this "nothingness" was a bit of a surprise.
I am sad? No. Happy? No. Angry? No...... Just flat.
Is this how "normal " people feel?
So I drank my coffee....still loving how that tastes in the morning without the acid stomach and heartburn.....and fiddled around in the garden, and very soon, I was humming and weeding and chatting to my cat.
I have read so much about how people have suppressed their feelings with alcohol that they get weepy and emotional when they stop drinking. I think for me that this is the other way around. My emotions were heightened when drinking, I could get really angry and argumentative, cry, laught hysterically....and every little situation was a Huge Dramatic Incident.
I don't want to sound all "navel gazey", but I think that part of the reason I drank, was that I was afraid of "flat" and "normal".
Actually, I think this flatness is really peace and calm. It's not so bad!!
This feeling wears off around 3.00pm, when I start twitching a little and clock watching for the magic hour of Five O'clock.
When Five O'clock comes, I have either taken myself into the garden to weed, or I have worked a little longer, and somehow the mental craving for wine lessens.
But this morning...flatness. Of course, I have only really experienced depression, shame, grumpiness, and self loathing in the morning, along with queasiness, sweatiness, and bloatedness (not sure if that's a word), for the last fifteen years, followed by the aforementioned elated and happy feelings over the last ten or so days, so this "nothingness" was a bit of a surprise.
I am sad? No. Happy? No. Angry? No...... Just flat.
Is this how "normal " people feel?
So I drank my coffee....still loving how that tastes in the morning without the acid stomach and heartburn.....and fiddled around in the garden, and very soon, I was humming and weeding and chatting to my cat.
I have read so much about how people have suppressed their feelings with alcohol that they get weepy and emotional when they stop drinking. I think for me that this is the other way around. My emotions were heightened when drinking, I could get really angry and argumentative, cry, laught hysterically....and every little situation was a Huge Dramatic Incident.
I don't want to sound all "navel gazey", but I think that part of the reason I drank, was that I was afraid of "flat" and "normal".
Actually, I think this flatness is really peace and calm. It's not so bad!!
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