Healthy boundaries, why you need 'em and how to get 'em!
Afraid to Say NO?
WB xx
Showing posts with label boundaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boundaries. Show all posts
Monday, 26 February 2018
Sunday, 23 July 2017
Monday, 23 May 2016
Tuesday, 12 April 2016
Unicorns Just Sparkle (soberly)
It occurred to me that we should all be a bit more like Unicorns. Sober Sparkly Unicorns.
Unicorns Just Sparkle
WB
Unicorns Just Sparkle
WB
Monday, 21 March 2016
Setting Healthy Boundaries
It's always been difficult for me to do this. But I've learnt that it is essential for my wellbeing and to protect my sobriety.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
WB xx
Setting Healthy Boundaries
WB xx
Saturday, 12 December 2015
"Selfish" Sober Self Love
After agonizing over my decision to say "No" to potential guests, I had to follow through with the actual saying "No", so I made the phone call, and although I noticed (imagined?) a cooler tone as we agreed that camping elsewhere would be better, and we could meet up etc etc....I did stop myself from babbling on trying to excuse/explain/rationalize...
After all, "No" is a complete sentence, right?
I've never been very good at saying it. So I've either ended up doing a whole lot of stuff that I never wanted to, OR, I've beaten myself up about saying the N word....and both scenarios have involved heavy wine drinking before, during and after.
In fact the Wine Witch has been floating around for a couple of days. It seems that "setting boundaries" is a trigger.....
I said "No" to going to a party last night too.
I've put parties into two categories, the first is where people want to get together, catch up and have fun, and alcohol happens to be served, the second is where people get together with the main purpose of drinking alcohol.
The first, I can handle. The second, I avoid.
Last night was a Birthday Party used as an excuse to drink. My husband went alone. He didn't mind, but I still spent a hour or so, stewing about whether I should have gone, to "prove" that I can do parties sober, or whether it looked odd that my husband was there without me, or whether people would think that I was weird, or rude......
And then I remembered what I used to do to shut the noise up in my head.
I used to drink.
Fuck it.
I went to the Movies. On my own.
I saw "Trumbo". Which I recommend. It was about two hours of complete distraction. I got home, made a cup of tea and went to bed.
My husband came home this morning. He was slightly hungover. Yes the party was fun. So and So said "Hi", what did you do last night? A movie? Sounds good, what was it about? A writer? No car chases? No, you're right, I wouldn't have wanted to see it, where's the advil?
Wine Witch floated away.
After all, "No" is a complete sentence, right?
I've never been very good at saying it. So I've either ended up doing a whole lot of stuff that I never wanted to, OR, I've beaten myself up about saying the N word....and both scenarios have involved heavy wine drinking before, during and after.
In fact the Wine Witch has been floating around for a couple of days. It seems that "setting boundaries" is a trigger.....
I said "No" to going to a party last night too.
I've put parties into two categories, the first is where people want to get together, catch up and have fun, and alcohol happens to be served, the second is where people get together with the main purpose of drinking alcohol.
The first, I can handle. The second, I avoid.
Last night was a Birthday Party used as an excuse to drink. My husband went alone. He didn't mind, but I still spent a hour or so, stewing about whether I should have gone, to "prove" that I can do parties sober, or whether it looked odd that my husband was there without me, or whether people would think that I was weird, or rude......
And then I remembered what I used to do to shut the noise up in my head.
I used to drink.
Fuck it.
I went to the Movies. On my own.
I saw "Trumbo". Which I recommend. It was about two hours of complete distraction. I got home, made a cup of tea and went to bed.
My husband came home this morning. He was slightly hungover. Yes the party was fun. So and So said "Hi", what did you do last night? A movie? Sounds good, what was it about? A writer? No car chases? No, you're right, I wouldn't have wanted to see it, where's the advil?
Wine Witch floated away.
Sunday, 2 August 2015
Boundaries.
I moved into my husband's home and sold mine when we decided to get married. It was a practical decision, I had been living in his home just about full time anyway.
Mr WB had been a bachelor for about 15 years, since his divorce.
When I moved in, I was reluctant to be one of "those women" who insist on changing everything (although I had to clean the grime, and ask him to move the fishing rods and tackle boxes out of the bedroom)
One thing that did and still bothers me is that we have a revolving door of people who just think it's OK to drop in and stay.
Mr WB's friends would often drive by the house early in the morning, see the truck parked, and drop in for coffee.
I know that maybe it's the British in me, maybe it's a cultural thing, but I get irritated when I am in the middle of something, and I have to stop and visit, and be polite.
When I was drinking lots of wine, an impromptu interruption in the afternoon just meant that I started drinking earlier. The rest of the day was wiped out.
Obviously, I didn't get a lot done.
It was a double-edged sword - the visits were annoying, but on the other hand, they gave me (or so I rationalized) an excuse to start on the wine earlier.
Consequently, no boundaries were ever put in place - as far as people were concerned, our home was "open house" - kind of like "Cheers" , the place where everyone knows your name.
Now I am no longer drinking - I am struggling with this and it's become a source of tension.
Today, it all came to a head.
As you are aware, Mr' WB's friend is staying (we've already had plenty of drama - another blog post is on it's way).
And today, BF#2's daughter is joining him. I wasn't told until today. I don't know this lady. No one asked me if it was OK. No one asked me if it was convenient.
Because it was always OK before.
It caused an argument. I didn't handle it well.
It's highlighted the dilemma of change to a sober life - as we start to feel comfortable with this new life, and start to make changes, our environment and our social circles are sometimes slower to adapt.
P.S. its about five hours since I wrote this. And reading it back, I sound pretty whiny and self absorbed - someone came to visit and didn't ask - poor me! I am not usually such a miserable cow. I did rescue the day, and we had a nice evening with BF#2's daughter. I am just grateful that I am sober, and I didn't allow my grouchy mood to spiral out of control - which would have happened if I was drinking wine. Tomorrow is a new day.
Mr WB had been a bachelor for about 15 years, since his divorce.
When I moved in, I was reluctant to be one of "those women" who insist on changing everything (although I had to clean the grime, and ask him to move the fishing rods and tackle boxes out of the bedroom)
One thing that did and still bothers me is that we have a revolving door of people who just think it's OK to drop in and stay.
Mr WB's friends would often drive by the house early in the morning, see the truck parked, and drop in for coffee.
I know that maybe it's the British in me, maybe it's a cultural thing, but I get irritated when I am in the middle of something, and I have to stop and visit, and be polite.
When I was drinking lots of wine, an impromptu interruption in the afternoon just meant that I started drinking earlier. The rest of the day was wiped out.
Obviously, I didn't get a lot done.
It was a double-edged sword - the visits were annoying, but on the other hand, they gave me (or so I rationalized) an excuse to start on the wine earlier.
Consequently, no boundaries were ever put in place - as far as people were concerned, our home was "open house" - kind of like "Cheers" , the place where everyone knows your name.
Now I am no longer drinking - I am struggling with this and it's become a source of tension.
Today, it all came to a head.
As you are aware, Mr' WB's friend is staying (we've already had plenty of drama - another blog post is on it's way).
And today, BF#2's daughter is joining him. I wasn't told until today. I don't know this lady. No one asked me if it was OK. No one asked me if it was convenient.
Because it was always OK before.
It caused an argument. I didn't handle it well.
It's highlighted the dilemma of change to a sober life - as we start to feel comfortable with this new life, and start to make changes, our environment and our social circles are sometimes slower to adapt.
P.S. its about five hours since I wrote this. And reading it back, I sound pretty whiny and self absorbed - someone came to visit and didn't ask - poor me! I am not usually such a miserable cow. I did rescue the day, and we had a nice evening with BF#2's daughter. I am just grateful that I am sober, and I didn't allow my grouchy mood to spiral out of control - which would have happened if I was drinking wine. Tomorrow is a new day.
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