After agonizing over my decision to say "No" to potential guests, I had to follow through with the actual saying "No", so I made the phone call, and although I noticed (imagined?) a cooler tone as we agreed that camping elsewhere would be better, and we could meet up etc etc....I did stop myself from babbling on trying to excuse/explain/rationalize...
After all, "No" is a complete sentence, right?
I've never been very good at saying it. So I've either ended up doing a whole lot of stuff that I never wanted to, OR, I've beaten myself up about saying the N word....and both scenarios have involved heavy wine drinking before, during and after.
In fact the Wine Witch has been floating around for a couple of days. It seems that "setting boundaries" is a trigger.....
I said "No" to going to a party last night too.
I've put parties into two categories, the first is where people want to get together, catch up and have fun, and alcohol happens to be served, the second is where people get together with the main purpose of drinking alcohol.
The first, I can handle. The second, I avoid.
Last night was a Birthday Party used as an excuse to drink. My husband went alone. He didn't mind, but I still spent a hour or so, stewing about whether I should have gone, to "prove" that I can do parties sober, or whether it looked odd that my husband was there without me, or whether people would think that I was weird, or rude......
And then I remembered what I used to do to shut the noise up in my head.
I used to drink.
Fuck it.
I went to the Movies. On my own.
I saw "Trumbo". Which I recommend. It was about two hours of complete distraction. I got home, made a cup of tea and went to bed.
My husband came home this morning. He was slightly hungover. Yes the party was fun. So and So said "Hi", what did you do last night? A movie? Sounds good, what was it about? A writer? No car chases? No, you're right, I wouldn't have wanted to see it, where's the advil?
Wine Witch floated away.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Saturday, 12 December 2015
Wednesday, 15 July 2015
My Reading Mojo
Day 67, and I'm feeling really excited!
Our guests are leaving this morning, my husband is going fishing, and I have the evening to myself....which means that I get to sit down with a couple of bottles of AF beer and read Harper Lee's "Go Set a Watchman", the controversial novel that Harper Lee wrote before "To Kill a Mockingbird", but for some reason, only known to her and the publishers, has not been released until now.
"To Kill A Mockingbird" was one of my most favourite books growing up and I also loved the black and white film of the same name.
It seems to have stayed with me all my life - dogs have been named 'Scout" and "Boo", and my cat is called Atticus, (until we found out he was a she, and now she goes by Att the Cat).
I have been following the press releases about the new novel, and **spoiler alert**, it turns out that Atticus Finch has a dark dirty secret - racism. Well, that's a shocker, the novel was set in 1930's America, way down South - where tensions still exist.
The point is, I have got excited about something else than a chilled bottle. I have looked forward to a time just for me...and it has nothing to do with wine...
I used to get like this, BEFORE WINE.....to look forward to a movie coming out, a novel being released, a project to do.....and I am just discovering this wonderful feeling once again....
A planned afternoon re-potting plants, a rainy afternoon with a good book, a hike somewhere new....
rather than days slumped on the couch, watching re-runs, dozy from too much wine.
Reading always was my passion. Just lately, I have read, well, inhaled most of the sober literature - both fiction and non fiction, I have discovered some new authors in my favourite genre - crime fiction, and I am making little diary notes for new novel releases - like "Go Set a Watchman".......
It's official. My reading Mojo is back.
Jackie.xx
Our guests are leaving this morning, my husband is going fishing, and I have the evening to myself....which means that I get to sit down with a couple of bottles of AF beer and read Harper Lee's "Go Set a Watchman", the controversial novel that Harper Lee wrote before "To Kill a Mockingbird", but for some reason, only known to her and the publishers, has not been released until now.
"To Kill A Mockingbird" was one of my most favourite books growing up and I also loved the black and white film of the same name.
It seems to have stayed with me all my life - dogs have been named 'Scout" and "Boo", and my cat is called Atticus, (until we found out he was a she, and now she goes by Att the Cat).
I have been following the press releases about the new novel, and **spoiler alert**, it turns out that Atticus Finch has a dark dirty secret - racism. Well, that's a shocker, the novel was set in 1930's America, way down South - where tensions still exist.
The point is, I have got excited about something else than a chilled bottle. I have looked forward to a time just for me...and it has nothing to do with wine...
I used to get like this, BEFORE WINE.....to look forward to a movie coming out, a novel being released, a project to do.....and I am just discovering this wonderful feeling once again....
A planned afternoon re-potting plants, a rainy afternoon with a good book, a hike somewhere new....
rather than days slumped on the couch, watching re-runs, dozy from too much wine.
Reading always was my passion. Just lately, I have read, well, inhaled most of the sober literature - both fiction and non fiction, I have discovered some new authors in my favourite genre - crime fiction, and I am making little diary notes for new novel releases - like "Go Set a Watchman".......
It's official. My reading Mojo is back.
Jackie.xx
Thursday, 28 May 2015
Sad Movies
One of the best things about being alone in the house, is all the time I have to get on and do productive things! Ha ha, I wish!
No, the best thing used to be that I could drink as much wine as I liked.
So this time (first time sober and alone for a few days), I DID make a list of all the productive things I could do (and I have actually done some of them), AND I made a list of all the movies I want to watch, without my husband, sighing, and shifting around in his chair, and making loud phone calls....you know....Chick Flicks ( otherwise known as any movie that doesn't have a high speed car chase).
So one of my picks for last night was "Still Alice".
It's a real tear-jerker. Julianne Moore is spectacular as Alice, a highly intelligent linguistic professor, who gets diagnosed with Alzheimers. The film is about her demise, her struggle to hold on to her mind and her memories.
I sobbed just about all the way through. Even my cat who dislikes being cuddled, curled up on my lap.
Tears poured down my cheeks, snot ran like a river from my nose. Not pretty.
It was really sad, but the one thought that rattled around in my brain, was " That poor lady had a horrible disease through no fault of her own, and I was drinking myself to death"
I know. Sounds a bit theatrical, and not very British.
But we are only given one body. We get to do with it, what we will. Some people look after it, exercise it, feed it nourishing stuff, rest it......and some of us abuse it with alcohol, sugar, and a lifetime on the couch. And then look to the health care system to patch us up.
I am hoping that I can reverse the damage. I am hoping that my body will forgive me. I am hoping to live a long life, free from disease. And I hope that all of you do too.
And tonight I am watching Bridesmaids II.
No, the best thing used to be that I could drink as much wine as I liked.
So this time (first time sober and alone for a few days), I DID make a list of all the productive things I could do (and I have actually done some of them), AND I made a list of all the movies I want to watch, without my husband, sighing, and shifting around in his chair, and making loud phone calls....you know....Chick Flicks ( otherwise known as any movie that doesn't have a high speed car chase).
So one of my picks for last night was "Still Alice".
It's a real tear-jerker. Julianne Moore is spectacular as Alice, a highly intelligent linguistic professor, who gets diagnosed with Alzheimers. The film is about her demise, her struggle to hold on to her mind and her memories.
I sobbed just about all the way through. Even my cat who dislikes being cuddled, curled up on my lap.
Tears poured down my cheeks, snot ran like a river from my nose. Not pretty.
It was really sad, but the one thought that rattled around in my brain, was " That poor lady had a horrible disease through no fault of her own, and I was drinking myself to death"
I know. Sounds a bit theatrical, and not very British.
But we are only given one body. We get to do with it, what we will. Some people look after it, exercise it, feed it nourishing stuff, rest it......and some of us abuse it with alcohol, sugar, and a lifetime on the couch. And then look to the health care system to patch us up.
I am hoping that I can reverse the damage. I am hoping that my body will forgive me. I am hoping to live a long life, free from disease. And I hope that all of you do too.
And tonight I am watching Bridesmaids II.
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