Tuesday, 8 September 2015

The Fall.

Labour Day weekend is now over. The kids are now back to school, and police cars are everywhere, presumably hoping to boost their September Traffic Violation Targets with people who forget to slow down in the school zones (yes I know that they SAY they don't have targets...)

September is the Start of the Year. I can't shake that feeling. January is so not a "starting month" - it's in the middle of dreary winter, it's dark and depressing, whereas September is full of glorious colour, there's the magical transition from dusty summer to dewy misty mornings with watery sunlight, and the smell of fresh start in the air.

So I felt the urge this past weekend to clean, declutter and prepare for the fresh beginning.

Cleaning and decluttering has been the hallmark of my sobriety, but this weekend was in a different league.

I changed the spare room into my new office. Three reasons :

  1. The spare room is at the back of the house and is quieter
  2. It has more room for my large desk and filing cabinet
  3. It has a lovely window that looks out over the forest.
Ok. You got me...

  1. No large spare room = no visitors
  2. See # 1
  3. See # 1 & # 2.
In three days I had cleaned out the room, including the gun cabinet ( I found several bullets and half a deer antler that my husband claimed was 'ceremonial'), I had painted the room a lovely shade of "basmati rice" (off white), donated three large bags of clothes and linen to my mother-in-law's church fundraiser for refugees, and two boxes of bric -a brac to my evil sister-in-law's fund raiser for Belly Dancers ( Belly Dancers are people too) 

I felt smug as I set up my desk last night. Then.......everybody freeze, did you hear that?.......who's there?..

Not you again! 

Whaatt???? Whatdaya mean? I was just saying, no, SUGGESTING...that after all that work....one tinsy glass of wine wouldn't hurt...now would it?

Why don't you just fuck off?

Oh come on! Look at your lovely room! And a New Start tomorrow!! Go back to this sober thingy tomorrow!!

118 days without you, I don't need you now.....

You see? You can do it! So one glass of wine tonight, and then back on the wagon tomorrow! No biggy....

I don' t do "one glass of wine". You know that. I do "one bottle of wine" and then I want more. If I give in now, my lovely new office won't be a place of sanctuary, a place to write, to build my dreams, it will be the room of shame, the room of failure. It will be YOUR room, you bitch. So fuck off.

And I had my first cup of tea in my new office, watching the shadows grow longer and the light fade. 



  1. Wow well done you! Am at same stage as you and hate when she comes calling. Less often but just as persuasive. Enjoy your lovely new haven x

    1. She gets you when you least expect it, doesn't she?

  2. Lovely. I could quite happily throw my entire house out funny how we just dont feel the same need for stuff!! Well done dealing with the ww. X

  3. Hi WB, yep is weird when she sneaks up on you. I had it yesterday evening when while folding up my umpteenth pile of laundry with the kids shouting and partner in a strop I had a sudden sharp urge to be in Dublin on a citybreak drinking pints of stout with my friends having a laugh with no responsibility (and no bloody endless laundry). I couldnt help but hold onto it for a while and before I let it pass. It must be the changing seasons x x

  4. Awesome. You have taken back your space. I think that is so brilliant!
    I have a copy of the serenity prayer in my room, which is also where I meditate. Whenever I get those weird thoughts/cravings I say it.
    It's like a magic mantra for me.

    Enjoy your space. Tea sounds perfect.

  5. Good for you!
    I cleaned out my closet this weekend and the wine bitch didn't even bother to speak up, I guess the bitch knows she's wasting her breath these days. However, it is fall and that's when wine always sounds so good to me-time to stock up on some sparkling cider.

  6. Woo Hoo!
    You are taking your power back!
    And enjoy your lovely room!

  7. Welcome to your new sanctuary, make it totally yours and enjoy the view.

  8. Thank you everyone, I am settling in.x