We can do hard things. I know because I just finished one.
We can do Hard things.
WB xx
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Thursday, 31 August 2017
Tuesday, 20 June 2017
Wednesday, 9 November 2016
Sunday, 23 October 2016
Sunday, 15 May 2016
Wednesday, 4 May 2016
Friday, 15 April 2016
An Ugly Four Letter Word..
This made me feel exactly the same way I felt when I struggled with booze..
An Ugly Four Letter Word
WB xx
An Ugly Four Letter Word
WB xx
Monday, 21 March 2016
Setting Healthy Boundaries
It's always been difficult for me to do this. But I've learnt that it is essential for my wellbeing and to protect my sobriety.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
WB xx
Setting Healthy Boundaries
WB xx
Thursday, 24 December 2015
Let's Put Down This Burden....
Carrying around stress, is like struggling with heavy awkward plastic shopping bags after the last dash around the store on Christmas Eve. You know, the cheap plastic bags that stretch and cut into your hands. You are constantly worried that they will split, and you'll have to pick up all the contents that spill over the parking lot. You try to carry them in different ways, lug them in your arms, or try and divide the weight evenly between two hands, but it's still a struggle.
It's a huge relief when you can put them down.
That's how I felt, carrying the burden of alcohol around with me. Every Day.
It was a relief to put it down. To rub away the red marks, the grooves on my soul.
I can't wish anyone a better Christmas Gift, than the relief of that burden.
Have a Happy Sober Christmas,
WBxxx
It's a huge relief when you can put them down.
That's how I felt, carrying the burden of alcohol around with me. Every Day.
It was a relief to put it down. To rub away the red marks, the grooves on my soul.
I can't wish anyone a better Christmas Gift, than the relief of that burden.
Have a Happy Sober Christmas,
WBxxx
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
Colour Me........Sober....
The big conundrum with becoming sober? Sober helps us be more present in our lives..right?
Yet, one big reason that people drink is to NOT be present in our lives....
Diving into that bottle of wine each night gave us (well, definitely me) a break from our daily grind, the mundane irritating issues like debt, bills, family bickering, the boat that's STILL parked in my frigging driveway....
Ann Dowsett Johnston says it better...
"With that first sip, my shoulders seemed to unhitch from my earlobes....Somehow with the second glass, the tectonic plates of my psyche would shift, and I'd be more at ease. Jake use to say it this way "When you drink, that piano on your back seems to disappear..."
The piano on my back weighed heavier, especially when I moved to Canada. It played discordant notes to me as I split up with my long term partner, and I was left wondering if I should move back to England? Stay? The only soothing music in my life was wine....and as I sat in my tiny apartment, clutching glass after glass......all I wanted was the notes to play loud enough so I didn't have to focus on my financial and emotional woes.
It's why we convince ourselves that wine is a reward. It takes us to a place where our troubles, however niggling and insignificant, are not invited.
And that's hard to replace.
Some people recommend meditation, and apart from feeling like a pillock (thank you Sober Mummy for that- see her great post on meditation here), it's also a skill you have to work at.....not nearly as instant as alcohol.
Which is why I am fascinated with the latest trend in Adult Colouring Books.
Yes, that's correct - colouring in shapes and designs, just like when we were children.
Remember childhood? Those rainy afternoons working industriously away on a craft project, so engrossed that time just melted away....
Wouldn't it be great to get back there, just a short while every day? When the only dilemma faced is
'I wonder if a purple stem would look good on that yellow flower?"
I totally get it.
A lovely lady Naomi Gilmour from my business group is a firm advocate of colouring , and she was interviewed on Radio 2 this week...here's the link if you would like to listen. (The interview starts at about 1.37)
And speaking of pillocks, see if you can spot one in the interview.
I'm off to get my pencils sharpened :)
Yet, one big reason that people drink is to NOT be present in our lives....
Diving into that bottle of wine each night gave us (well, definitely me) a break from our daily grind, the mundane irritating issues like debt, bills, family bickering, the boat that's STILL parked in my frigging driveway....
Ann Dowsett Johnston says it better...
"With that first sip, my shoulders seemed to unhitch from my earlobes....Somehow with the second glass, the tectonic plates of my psyche would shift, and I'd be more at ease. Jake use to say it this way "When you drink, that piano on your back seems to disappear..."
The piano on my back weighed heavier, especially when I moved to Canada. It played discordant notes to me as I split up with my long term partner, and I was left wondering if I should move back to England? Stay? The only soothing music in my life was wine....and as I sat in my tiny apartment, clutching glass after glass......all I wanted was the notes to play loud enough so I didn't have to focus on my financial and emotional woes.
It's why we convince ourselves that wine is a reward. It takes us to a place where our troubles, however niggling and insignificant, are not invited.
And that's hard to replace.
Some people recommend meditation, and apart from feeling like a pillock (thank you Sober Mummy for that- see her great post on meditation here), it's also a skill you have to work at.....not nearly as instant as alcohol.
Which is why I am fascinated with the latest trend in Adult Colouring Books.
Yes, that's correct - colouring in shapes and designs, just like when we were children.
Remember childhood? Those rainy afternoons working industriously away on a craft project, so engrossed that time just melted away....
Wouldn't it be great to get back there, just a short while every day? When the only dilemma faced is
'I wonder if a purple stem would look good on that yellow flower?"
I totally get it.
A lovely lady Naomi Gilmour from my business group is a firm advocate of colouring , and she was interviewed on Radio 2 this week...here's the link if you would like to listen. (The interview starts at about 1.37)
And speaking of pillocks, see if you can spot one in the interview.
I'm off to get my pencils sharpened :)
Tuesday, 4 August 2015
Beer & Wine Store
I went into a Beer & Wine store today. ( UK & US friends, here in Canada, you can't buy alcohol in a supermarket or grocery store, there are designated stores with licences for that).
I did it without thinking. I purchased a six pack of beer for the guys who are working on a boat which is sat in my driveway (hopefully, for not much longer).
I paid for the beer and left.
It wasn't until I was out of the store and driving home, that I realised I hadn't even checked out the wine section. I just got what I wanted, paid for it and left. Like a "normal" person on a "normal" shopping errand.
Buying wine used to be a stressful experience. Driving home I would negotiate with myself -
"You don't need wine, you had wine last night"
"But today was stressful"
"Just have a cup of tea tonight"
"But we're having halibut, it's so much nicer with white wine"
"If you don't have wine tonight, you can have wine tomorrow"
"But I want it now!"
And so on.
Then I would get self conscious about the store I was buying from. I always tried not to buy wine from the same store two days in a row because I imagined that the check-out people were judging me.
So I would change my route home accordingly.
Then, once inside the store, I would have another dilemma - one bottle or two?
If I bought just one, then I might have to share. So I usually bought two.
Towards the end of my slide, it was easy to buy two, because I switched to white wine. My husband doesn't drink white wine, so I would buy red for him. And then it was win-win, because I could drink the whole bottle of white, and then finish the red because there was no way my husband would ever drink the whole bottle.
Sometime I would make a feeble attempt at conversation with the check-out person-
"This is a new one - is it popular?"
As if I was some kind of wine journalist doing research.
The whole experience used to make me feel anxious and guilty.
Then I would do the daily dance with my husband....
Husband :"You bought wine?"
Me "Yes, it's been a long day" - defensively, waiting for a negative comment......
I didn't notice until today, this one more piece of stress that has been eliminated from my life.
I guess it's like banging your head against a wall - it's nice when it stops!
I did it without thinking. I purchased a six pack of beer for the guys who are working on a boat which is sat in my driveway (hopefully, for not much longer).
I paid for the beer and left.
It wasn't until I was out of the store and driving home, that I realised I hadn't even checked out the wine section. I just got what I wanted, paid for it and left. Like a "normal" person on a "normal" shopping errand.
Buying wine used to be a stressful experience. Driving home I would negotiate with myself -
"You don't need wine, you had wine last night"
"But today was stressful"
"Just have a cup of tea tonight"
"But we're having halibut, it's so much nicer with white wine"
"If you don't have wine tonight, you can have wine tomorrow"
"But I want it now!"
And so on.
Then I would get self conscious about the store I was buying from. I always tried not to buy wine from the same store two days in a row because I imagined that the check-out people were judging me.
So I would change my route home accordingly.
Then, once inside the store, I would have another dilemma - one bottle or two?
If I bought just one, then I might have to share. So I usually bought two.
Towards the end of my slide, it was easy to buy two, because I switched to white wine. My husband doesn't drink white wine, so I would buy red for him. And then it was win-win, because I could drink the whole bottle of white, and then finish the red because there was no way my husband would ever drink the whole bottle.
Sometime I would make a feeble attempt at conversation with the check-out person-
"This is a new one - is it popular?"
As if I was some kind of wine journalist doing research.
The whole experience used to make me feel anxious and guilty.
Then I would do the daily dance with my husband....
Husband :"You bought wine?"
Me "Yes, it's been a long day" - defensively, waiting for a negative comment......
I didn't notice until today, this one more piece of stress that has been eliminated from my life.
I guess it's like banging your head against a wall - it's nice when it stops!
Monday, 13 July 2015
Day 65 - All Around us is Calm
Yesterday afternoon and evening we enjoyed a peaceful barbeque with friends at a nearby campsite.
We were joined by their son and daughter in law, and their two grandsons. It was a fun family gathering.
Of course wine was offered, but no one much cared who was drinking or not - it wasn't the point of the afternoon.
I reflected on how drama free my life has become. Particularly because one topic of conversation was the previous drama -filled camping trip our friends had endured.
This annual camping trip for our friends used to involve three or four couples on a peaceful retreat for a week or so on one of the Gulf Islands.
In recent years they have been joined by family members and grandchildren, so the event has grown into a family affair.
This year was no exception. One young mother joined them, with her two year old daughter and new boyfriend.
A few days into the camping trip, it became obvious that all was not well in this new relationship, and the quiet campsite was filled with sounds of screaming and arguing.
All came to a head one night, the arguments got increasingly violent, and the new boyfriend was ejected from the campsite.
All this of course was fueled by alcohol.
This morning I read Sober Mummy's great post about the lies that alcohol tells you (read it here), and this ruined camping trip highlights one of them......
alcohol is a great stress reliever
I used that one all the time. "I had a stressful day, so I stopped and got wine"
I did truly believe that wine would wash my stress away......
And yet, here I am, over two months without wine, all other aspects of my life has stayed the same, yet my life is so much less stressful....
Could it be that alcohol CAUSES the stress and drama?
Lets go back to our arguing couple in the campsite......
We're all intelligent people here. Alcohol can't have it both ways............
I'm with Sober Mummy on this one.
Have a great Monday.
xx.
We were joined by their son and daughter in law, and their two grandsons. It was a fun family gathering.
Of course wine was offered, but no one much cared who was drinking or not - it wasn't the point of the afternoon.
I reflected on how drama free my life has become. Particularly because one topic of conversation was the previous drama -filled camping trip our friends had endured.
This annual camping trip for our friends used to involve three or four couples on a peaceful retreat for a week or so on one of the Gulf Islands.
In recent years they have been joined by family members and grandchildren, so the event has grown into a family affair.
This year was no exception. One young mother joined them, with her two year old daughter and new boyfriend.
A few days into the camping trip, it became obvious that all was not well in this new relationship, and the quiet campsite was filled with sounds of screaming and arguing.
All came to a head one night, the arguments got increasingly violent, and the new boyfriend was ejected from the campsite.
All this of course was fueled by alcohol.
This morning I read Sober Mummy's great post about the lies that alcohol tells you (read it here), and this ruined camping trip highlights one of them......
alcohol is a great stress reliever
I used that one all the time. "I had a stressful day, so I stopped and got wine"
I did truly believe that wine would wash my stress away......
And yet, here I am, over two months without wine, all other aspects of my life has stayed the same, yet my life is so much less stressful....
Could it be that alcohol CAUSES the stress and drama?
Lets go back to our arguing couple in the campsite......
- They didn't scream at each other all day long - only in the evening after a quantity of alcohol had been consumed.
- Despite the supposed calming and stress-relieving qualities of alcohol, no one rushed over to give them a large bottle of wine to immediately consume, and therefore calm down the situation....
We're all intelligent people here. Alcohol can't have it both ways............
I'm with Sober Mummy on this one.
Have a great Monday.
xx.
Monday, 1 June 2015
Day 23 Life Without Drama
I've noticed that there is a lot less "drama" in my life at the moment. By "drama" I mean those day to day little incidents that get blown out of proportion, gossiped about, stressed about, and involve hours of "putting the world to rights" or boozy tantrums. And that was just me.
Is there any less stress in my life? Absolutely not. We are still struggling with our businesses, we still have people in our lives that are unsupportive, there are still family situations that need to be resolved.
The difference is that I am dealing with the stuff that I can resolve, and avoiding the stuff that it not mine to resolve. I am not giving my drunken opinion, I am not phoning random people to complain, in short....I have stopped being a "total pain in the rear end Drama Queen".
A few years ago, after a difficult relationship break - up, and the start of another tumultuous relationship that turned decidedly toxic (all which coincided with the start of really heavy wine drinking), I met a lady who latched on to me like a barnacle.
She was married (albeit unhappily), and a set of family circumstances that sounded to me like a particularly bad episode of 'Dallas". Every day would bring a new 'crisis".
We became drinking buddies.
It was the first time I had a glimpse into my future.
Every day the phone would ring in the morning..."Could you take my daughter to school? I don't feel well"...."Come over for lunch"......."I'm coming over, I have wine...."....." I've had a terrible day (sob)...just come and bring wine..."
I couldn't get rid of her.
Finally, circumstances changed, I moved out of the area, my phone number changed....and although I felt badly at the time, we just lost touch, and I have never made the effort to rekindle that "friendship".
Today, as I look back, I suspect that I was the self absorbed, selfish barnacle that people were hoping to scrape off.
Looking forward, I hope to be a better friend.
Is there any less stress in my life? Absolutely not. We are still struggling with our businesses, we still have people in our lives that are unsupportive, there are still family situations that need to be resolved.
The difference is that I am dealing with the stuff that I can resolve, and avoiding the stuff that it not mine to resolve. I am not giving my drunken opinion, I am not phoning random people to complain, in short....I have stopped being a "total pain in the rear end Drama Queen".
A few years ago, after a difficult relationship break - up, and the start of another tumultuous relationship that turned decidedly toxic (all which coincided with the start of really heavy wine drinking), I met a lady who latched on to me like a barnacle.
She was married (albeit unhappily), and a set of family circumstances that sounded to me like a particularly bad episode of 'Dallas". Every day would bring a new 'crisis".
We became drinking buddies.
It was the first time I had a glimpse into my future.
Every day the phone would ring in the morning..."Could you take my daughter to school? I don't feel well"...."Come over for lunch"......."I'm coming over, I have wine...."....." I've had a terrible day (sob)...just come and bring wine..."
I couldn't get rid of her.
Finally, circumstances changed, I moved out of the area, my phone number changed....and although I felt badly at the time, we just lost touch, and I have never made the effort to rekindle that "friendship".
Today, as I look back, I suspect that I was the self absorbed, selfish barnacle that people were hoping to scrape off.
Looking forward, I hope to be a better friend.
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