After agonizing over my decision to say "No" to potential guests, I had to follow through with the actual saying "No", so I made the phone call, and although I noticed (imagined?) a cooler tone as we agreed that camping elsewhere would be better, and we could meet up etc etc....I did stop myself from babbling on trying to excuse/explain/rationalize...
After all, "No" is a complete sentence, right?
I've never been very good at saying it. So I've either ended up doing a whole lot of stuff that I never wanted to, OR, I've beaten myself up about saying the N word....and both scenarios have involved heavy wine drinking before, during and after.
In fact the Wine Witch has been floating around for a couple of days. It seems that "setting boundaries" is a trigger.....
I said "No" to going to a party last night too.
I've put parties into two categories, the first is where people want to get together, catch up and have fun, and alcohol happens to be served, the second is where people get together with the main purpose of drinking alcohol.
The first, I can handle. The second, I avoid.
Last night was a Birthday Party used as an excuse to drink. My husband went alone. He didn't mind, but I still spent a hour or so, stewing about whether I should have gone, to "prove" that I can do parties sober, or whether it looked odd that my husband was there without me, or whether people would think that I was weird, or rude......
And then I remembered what I used to do to shut the noise up in my head.
I used to drink.
I went to the Movies. On my own.
I saw "Trumbo". Which I recommend. It was about two hours of complete distraction. I got home, made a cup of tea and went to bed.
My husband came home this morning. He was slightly hungover. Yes the party was fun. So and So said "Hi", what did you do last night? A movie? Sounds good, what was it about? A writer? No car chases? No, you're right, I wouldn't have wanted to see it, where's the advil?
Wine Witch floated away.