I have had a couple of "woe is me" days. Feeling a bit grumpy.
The first reason, which is ridiculous, is the sweltering weather. Everyone else is as hot as I am, yet I seem to be the most irritable.
We went to the river for a swim, and tried a different spot. We had to scramble over some rocks, and I whined the whole way.
The water was lovely when I got in and cooled off, and I tried really hard to be upbeat and pleasant, but it just wasn't happening.
On Vancouver Island, at the moment, there are two serious wildfires burning. So far, no lives or property has been lost, due to the hard work and dedication of our fire fighters. The fires and wind have meant that we have had this weird, orange hazy smog hanging over the Island, and blocking the sun.
It has given a strange spooky feel - people are not really venturing out, because of the poor air quality.
It has been a strange couple of days.
Even as I write today, I am not really having a coherent thought.
I listened to a podcast this morning about setting small goals, taking baby steps towards your big goal.
I think a lot of my "mood" is due to the fact that I am "bored" with this journey of sobriety. I feel like the kid in the back seat of the car crying "how much further?"
I wish that I could just transport myself to a place where I am a NON DRINKER. I don't worry about how many days, if there is AF beer or wine in the fridge, if I am losing weight, how I am going to navigate the next party and so on.......what was initially a 'novelty", a new shiny goal....has become a drudgery.
I know that it takes baby steps to get there. I know this is the wine witch circling. I really don't feel the urge to drink. Yet I feel as dark and orangy and weird as the smog today.