Day 70- My Journey Here.

Day 70. Ten whole weeks.

If anyone had told me at the beginning of the year that I would be Without Wine for ten whole weeks, I would not have believed them.

I was worried about my drinking for about two or three years before I finally gave up. The last year was particularly hard, I was getting desperate to get the monkey off my back.

Last summer we had (as usual) a revolving door of visitors, including my parents. I had tried to commit to a "dry month", but a week in, and I had failed.

While my parents were here, I moderated as much as possible - I opted to drive them around, so I couldn't drink during the day, I tried drinking beer and cider instead of wine....I survived, but it was a rollercoaster ride.

When they left, Australian friends arrived. I had already read Jill Stark's book about giving up the booze for a year, in a country where the culture is soaked in alcohol - I tentatively brought up the subject of sobriety with our friends..

"Give up booze?" my friend Cath said..."That's not a world I want to live in..."

Consequently, I was drinking my way through their stay - having been convinced that my drinking was normal and fun.

When they left, my bubble burst again, and the next few months alternated between "For goodness sake, I'm being stupid and paranoid", and gathering clouds of depression and self loathing.

Like most people, at the beginning of 2015, I tried to write a list of goals, a vision for the year, and all I could write at the top of the page was 'give up drinking".

In April of this year, my husband's friend stayed with us. he is an alcoholic (and could be the subject of a whole other blog post), and he drank steadily through the nine days he was with us, and encouraged us to do the same.

At the end of a miserable week for me (when I was convinced that I would never be able to kick the booze habit....it's everywhere, all around me), we were booked to cater for a wedding ( a side project, as my husband is a great cook).

It turned out to be a 'red neck' affair - prominent members of the local chapter of the Hells Angels were there, the air was filled with a blue dope haze and I watched as one lady lurched into the barbeque and nearly set herself alight with hot chicken grease.....(also another blog post topic). Although I politely declined the offers of cheap beer, as guests stumbled in and out of the kitchen, on my way home, I wanted wine.

I drank the whole bottle, and the next morning, I had a hellish hangover - made worse by the dehydration of being in a hot kitchen the day before....and great joy.....it was Mother's Day and we had fifteen people coming over for a turkey dinner.

I just kept telling myself that the day would soon be over, as I swilled back water. Gradually I felt better. I didn't drink a thing, because the family members that showed up...didn't drink!~

I mentally compared our Mother's Day gathering to the wedding the day before. Which is most normal? 

As  I watched the kids play, and we laughed over family stories, ate good food....I already knew the answer.....

Mother's Day, May 9th 2015 was my day 1. Today is my day 70.

Have a fantastic weekend

xx.