Monday, 27 July 2015

Day 79 - The Sins of the Fathers

I may have mentioned that we live in  a small community.

My husband grew up here. We live next door to one of his best friends that he met in Grade 1. Tomorrow, his other best friend arrives from Prince George to stay for a few days.

The other common ground that my husband and BF #1 and BF #2 share is that all three of their fathers were alcoholics.

My husband tells this story

" My Dad would get grand ideas about owning a boat (Commercial Fish Boat), and phone up all kinds of people to make appointments to look at boats - he never had a penny.
One day he piled us all in the car, and drove down to Victoria. On the way he swigged vodka from one bottle, followed by a mouthful of lemonade.
When we got there he was well and truly hammered. We met the guy who was selling this boat - I remember it was a beauty. Dad could hardly stand. He waved his hand and said - we''ll take it for the summer and let you know if we're going to keep it! I was so humiliated and embarrassed.
The owner of the boat just walked away saying 'drunk f**king Indians wasting my time"

Both BF #1 and BF #2 have similar stories about their fathers. Having to punch out their Dads when they got mean (my husband too had his share of black eyes and bloody noses, while trying to wrestle cash away from his Dad so his mum could pay bills).

My husband didn't touch alcohol until he was in his thirties - 'Dad drank enough for all of us" - and now is a very moderate drinker.

Sadly, both BF#1 and BF#2 are not. I often see BF#1 lurching in the driveway in the morning (yes morning), and I know the glass in his hand is vodka, not water.

BF #2 is married to a lady who I consider one of my best friends. She has often phoned me crying about her husband's drinking habits.

Last time BF#2 came to stay, it was the week before I gave up drinking. Although there were many reasons, and it was well overdue, those few days watching BF#2, finding empty vodka bottles in all kinds of hiding places, and watching him morph into this mean intense drunk person (just like his Dad, my husband said), undoubtedly had an influence on my decision to stop.

I have no idea what this week holds for us. Except that I have extra supplies of AF beer.


  1. That kind of drinking scares me.

    It's the violent, loaded gun, side of it that makes me feel anxious. I can't imagine growing up in that kind of environment.

    I hope the visit goes well. It feels kind of ominous, but you never know. Keep us updated.

  2. Hope the visit goes well. Good luck! A x

  3. I find it shocking how many people I know had an alcoholic parent. And how I never knew any of that until I quit drinking and they then told me. It truly does impact a person.
    I know, myself, that I was becoming erratic and self pitying when drinking. And because of that I could be mean. Mean to my husband (who was often drinking too, and half the time we could never remember what the arguments were even about) and mean to my two amazing kids.
    Realizing that wasn't enough to get me to stop drinking, but it fuelled my self loathing for a while, and it definitely keeps me sober.

    It just seems so sad.

    Stay sober. You are doing awesome. We don't need our kids to tell their spouse stories about us some day. No. Definitely not.

    1. I know. I want to be an example, not an embarrassment to my family xx.