Anyone who is on this path of quitting booze, or even laying off it for awhile will agree with me that the ABSOLUTE BEST part, is the hangover free mornings! And now, I have had three in a row - and that feels pretty damn good.
But, it's so early, and I know (through my extensive research of other sober blogs, and the increasing literature out there), that there are hard times to follow - I am such a newbie!
So today, I am going to start a little mini-series of blogs dedicated to WHY and WHY NOW, I have decided to quit the wine for good....
Part 1 - FEAR!
Absolutely ABJECT TERROR of the damage and lasting consequences to my health if I carry on the way I have been. Just to put it into perspective, for any readers, and for myself, in black and white, this is how much I have been drinking per week....drum roll please....
Approximately 60 standard units of alcohol per week. That's quadruple Health Canada's recommended guidelines for a woman. QUADRUPLE!!
So, of course, I've known this for some time now, but until recently, the logical knowledge that I have been slowly killing myself hasn't been enough to make me quit.
So what changed? Well, three things that brought on my FEAR.....
1. I've been waking up in the middle of the night feeling weird pains and sensations in my arms and legs....and I have been imagining a blood clot, or a heart attack or a stroke....sometimes I have been frightened to go back to sleep in case I don't wake up
2. I have more nights than not, when I can't remember going to bed. I can't remember TV shows I watched, I can't remember telephone conversations I had, I can't remember conversations with my husband.....and it doesn't come back to me at all. Total blackouts!!
3. I recently read "Drinking - A Love Story" by the eloquent Caroline Knapp, and in one chapter, she describes a self - test she took from some National Alcoholics organization in the US. It's about 30 questions about drinking behaviour. If you say "yes' to any of the first eight questions, you are in the early stages of alcoholism (which can last ten to fifteen years), "yes' to any question from nine to about twenty - middle stages (which can last five years) and "yes" to any question after that.....final road to oblivion.
Suffice to say, I had to answer "yes' to a couple after question eight. If that didn't frickin sober me up, nothing will.
Well, I know this post is a little heavy - but I have to be reminded of my FEAR when I hit a breezy complacent place, and contemplate just one glass.....+