I had a lovely productive day yesterday! I cleaned my oven , sorted paperwork, and worked on a proper plan for my business, and felt positive for the first time in a long time, that I will stick to it.
I took a cup of tea with me to my greenhouse, and re-potted seedlings ( a week ago I would have taken wine). I felt a little smug....."this isn't so hard....."
Then, Bam! the evening started to fall apart.
My sister in law turned up for a visit - no problem there, she doesn't drink.
Then, our neighbour turned up with a large glass of whisky for my husband, and a very large vodka for himself.
My husband also hasn't been drinking for the last few days, but I knew the time would come when he would want to drink. Yet, I felt fairly confident that it would be OK, he likes a couple of whiskys in the evening - I have never liked whisky (even though I would drink it after all the wine ran out sometimes).
As everyone sat and chatted, I fixated on my husband's whisky. I contemplated running out to get wine, so I could enjoy a drink too - I was so mad that I was missing out!
I willed my sister in law to leave, and my neighbour to leave so I could have a gulp of my husband's whisky! How messed up is that!
Eventually my sister in law left, I excused myself and put the kettle on. I made some peppermint tea, grabbed my kindle and went to bed and read. Re-read some of Jason Vale's words of wisdom, and felt better.
This morning, I am so relieved. But humbled.