Wednesday, 26 August 2015

The Wine Mogwai

I was having lunch yesterday with an old friend, and we were talking about relationships. At one point my friend said

"I think that everyone just wants to feel special"

Oh that's just bollocks ( I thought to myself), I'm just ecstatic when my husband remembers to hurl his underwear towards the laundry basket. It started me thinking.....

No one has to feel special, we all just want our voice to be heard and our needs to be met occasionally. (How frigging hard is it to get the underwear IN the laundry basket??)

For a long time, I used to douse my displease at the misplaced laundry and a long mental list of un -met needs and unheard requests with large quantities of wine. The wine, rather than calm me, would act rather like a few drops of water or food after midnight to a Mogwai (Gremlin)

And then, my unheard voice fully lubricated, I would start a fight with whoever was at the top of the list (not always my husband), to their complete bewilderment.
Much like the Gremlins I would transform into a destructive evil wine bitch (hence my blog name),
and I wouldn't hold back - sarcastic emails, cryptic texts and social media posts ...There! that told them! I win!!

In the early hours of the morning, full of remorse after surveying the cyberspace fallout from my self righteous declarations, I would cringe and berate myself. And then face a day of damage control to complement my hangover.

Now, after 108 days sober, I have had two follows...

  • It's not possible for my voice to be heard and needs to be met....unless I speak up!!
Today I want to hang out in the greenhouse and work in the garden, I don't want to visit your brother and watch the hockey match"

"I would prefer to go away just the two of us, rather than invite so and so ....."

  •  I've discovered that "No" does not need to be followed with an apology

"So and So want to visit for two weeks in the summer" "No, that doesn't work for me"

"I moving house next weekend, and I need a truck, can I borrow yours? " No, that doesn't work for me.

You get the picture.

After years of being resentful that people would invade my space, borrow my stuff, and want me to do things that I didn't want to do, instead of saying "yes" and getting all upset and hysterical because I really meant no (after the wine)...

 ....... and they should have known that, hell, they shouldn't have even asked, how rude and inconsiderate, don't they understand that I have a life too?......

I found out that all I had to do was speak up. And not drink the wine (obviously).

These days, I am rarely out of bed at midnight, and so then only thing that transforms this Mogwai into a Gremlin is......the fricking underwear...



  1. Perhaps the underwear might make the laundry basket if a "prize" is offered. Lol

    I love that. Just say no.

    1. LOL!! Maybe. But it's a dangerous precedent!

  2. You're no longer gobbling up wine, you're gobbling up power! Go,girl. Gobble-Gobble.
    I think the heavy mantle of guilt shame about drinking that I wore kept me from speaking up for myself. All the guilt I had didn't help much either. I lived in mortal fear if I pointed out what someone did to offend me or take advantage of me, they would retaliate with a barrage about my drinking. So I stayed mum.
    Now, I am no longer afraid of the fallout if I actually voice my own wants and desires.
    One more freedom that sobriety has granted me.

    1. Oh my goodness this has just helped me realise why I put up with so much crap when I was drinking!!! I was afraid of the response I would get!!! Now I don't care! Thanks x

  3. I'm lucky.
    My hubs throughs his undies down the laundry chute!
    I am still learning to speak up for myself.
    I hope I can still learn!

  4. I'm learning to say no too. All that wasted time wondering how to explain myself and now I just say no and the other person says OK.

  5. Where are you WB? You ok? SM x

    1. Yes!! Thank you I'm totally fine - just caught up with work and a couple of unexpected visitors - I have three unfinished blog posts :(